he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
