you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
