I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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