Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
