i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
