We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
