does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
