listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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