i will never coherently bang her
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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