I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
