So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
