im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I CAN MOONWALK!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I had to cum in my sink.
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