Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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