I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
