I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
