Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
