he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
