the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
