walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
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