too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
