dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
