writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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