This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
