Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
