Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
