Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
