We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
