i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
