I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize