i jhust puked up my retainher.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
