After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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