new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
