i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
