Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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