ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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