first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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