I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
