tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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