Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
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If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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