We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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