Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first