my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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