Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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