Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
