beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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