The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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