I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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