Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
