oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
