i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
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Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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