I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We were destined to go to rehab together
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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