Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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