i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
