Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
