Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
