the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
