If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
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I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
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I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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