You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
