Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so let's talk penis.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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