It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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