he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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