I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
