Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
